Parenting Tips: Sons Can Be Problems For Single Mum's
View PDF | Print View
by: Dr.NoelSwanson
Total views: 3
Word Count: 503
Q. I'm a single mother. I have three children, Caitlin, 7, Tom, 9 and Liam aged 11. I don't have problems with Cait, but the two boys are making life difficult. Tom apparently behaves well at school, but has learning problems. When he gets home he often throws temper tantrums. Liam acts as if he hates me. He doesn't show me any affection and is extremely rude. Tom's dad died when he was a baby, and Liam's father doesn't visit him. I need to find out what I'm doing wrong, since I'm so stressed all of the time.
A. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. We all expect parenting to be mostly fun.
First of all, blaming yourself will get you nowhere. Like the rest of us, you have probably made loads of bad decisions in the past. So what? The question is where do you go from here to make the best of what you have at present.
Your daughter is doing well, proving that you have some good mothering skills.
It is also good news that your younger son is doing well at school. If he is able to settle down and work, even though he has learning difficulties, that is very encouraging. However, you might want to check with the school about how much he is struggling there, as it may be that he is bringing his frustrations home.
Undoubtedly, both boys are feeling the lack of their fathers. This is a tough situation. It most likely is easier for the youngest one. At least his dad died, and didn't purposely leave him. As for the absent dad, there isn't much you can do except be up-front about it. Don't defend or berate him. If you take his side then your son will feel that you are siding with his "loser dad" and not him. If you say anything negative about him, your son will want to defend his dad.
Don't forget that we can't change anyone, including our children. You can however, change yourself. Think about behaviors you can change in yourself that would make your life more serene. It may surprise you to know that if you feel more positive, your children will also feel more positive. On the other hand, if you keep doing what you've been doing, you will reap the same results.
Most of all, believe in yourself and your children. Don't look back, look to the future and decide how you want it to be. Think in positive terms i.e. don't think about what you don't want, or what you worry about, think instead about what desired outcomes you do want. Don't expect to get there in one day, but look for tiny little steps that will gradually take you there. And then do what it takes to get there. It will take a bit of effort at first, but then, living like you do now also takes effort. Read what you can. Talk to other parents. You will get there if you are prepared to make the effort.
About the Author
Dr. Noel Swanson has years of experience in helping parents with child behavior problems. To tap into his expert parenting advice visit his website and check out his GOOD CHILD Guide manual, packed full of practical parenting advice.
HTML For Publishers
Please note: This article is free to reprint but all links must remain active.
Rating: Not yet rated
